It's a small small world out there...

Monday, August 18, 2008

hmm 2nd thought

ya know now that i think about it, that yahoo article was right... its really really true, fuck my interpretation of it, it was entirely unprofessional... wow it really is true now that i re read it and thought about it deeper

Friday, August 15, 2008

Good run

whew... i feel like updating at 4 am.... cant sleep...

ive had a great run in poker lately... came up about 1000 just this weekend... woot... still 2000 more to go! 3000 dollar goal by october 21st! haha

im glad i finally get a good run in poker and in life FOR NOW... itll probably go away soon enough but hey thats how we appreciate the good things in life when it does come right?

hmmm uncle, aunt, and my baby cousin will move in soon... have to give up my freedom for family... and im not complaining... that much... haha.. if it means to help em out then im all for it cuz i love em...

some others things are always on my mind, buy i just cant say it ya know... and it eats me up inside... o well...

Thursday, June 19, 2008

RIP 6/18/08

you're no longer in pain...

Rest in Peace grandma...

9/12/1921 - 6/18/2008

Friday, May 30, 2008

there's a lot of things said to me by you that hurt me...

but saying that after all this time you still don't believe that i am a person that would listen to you... that hurt the most... you have no fucking idea how bad that makes me feel...

Favorite Quotes I Live By

1. Knowing is better than wondering...

2. Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you KNOW it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

3. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too. Even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling...

4. Change... we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming... We either adapt to change or we get left behind... And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But heres the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes, change is... everything.

5. Luck is nothing more than probability taken personally...

6. Too often, the thing you want the most is the one thing you can't have... Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be... The people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want...

7. At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need....

What's worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should've healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again.... We're all damaged, it seems. Some of us more than others. We carry the damage with us from childhood, then as grown-ups, we give as good as we get. Ultimately, we all do damage. And then, we set about the business of fixing whatever we can...

People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret roadmaps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers....

Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn’t just about being tough. It’s about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don’t have to be tough every minute of every day. It’s okay to let down your guard. In fact there are moments when it’s the best thing you can possibly do… as long as you choose your moments wisely.

There’s a clarity thing when you cross over the edge. There’s a moment when everything just melts away and you’re fearless....

well...

It goes away. The feeling. That feeling that you have right now... today... that feeling like you can do anything. That clarity... It goes away. And you go right back to being the coward who can’t tell the person you love how you feel...

The truth is painful. Deep down, nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home. Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can't help ourselves. Sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much...

In life, only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to hurt people. You’re going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover... there’s really only one thing you can say... Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be RIGHT. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled… old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget...

Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. The funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.... At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say. They're what you do. Some things you say because you have no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves....

Monday, August 18, 2008

hmm 2nd thought

Friday, August 15, 2008

Good run

Thursday, June 19, 2008

RIP 6/18/08

Friday, May 30, 2008

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