Statements time

Well since dorkface did it again... I felt like doin one tooooo

The statements thing:
Write a statement about someone in your life without saying their name.

Usually people aren't allowed to know which one is to them but if some people wanna ask me then I'll truthfully tell you

1. Finally. That's all I can say...
2. I think you're lame as shit cuz you're going nowhere with your life right now
3. As cool as we are I wanna know you in a different way
4. What the hell happened to us?.....
5. You're so lost right now but if only you can open your eyes and appreciate all the good in your life.
6. Get a fucking job foo... But you're so lucky you're winning alot daily at poker you lucksack.
7. Stop assuming so much shit please!
8. I had changed this number 8 statement 6 times.. And deleted it over and over... I can't say it cuz there is too much to say and no one will ever know who it's too I'm serious don't ask.
9. You're miss independent... And that's why I love ya in my life... I haven't used that word in a awhile. And yea I admit I love ya alot in my life and don't take it the wrong way. *No flirt* for real...
10. It's so fun being around you. I miss you being in my daily life.

Ugh getting sleepy for real. And all this was typed on my iphone.. I'll continue later during work break

Rollercoastaaa

you will find that one perfect person... I guarantee there is a ton of people out there with the same problem and if both you and all those people would stop coming down so hard on yourself and open your eyes just a bit wider you may just spot that one person that makes your heart stop. They just might be right in front of your face all along. Dont give up... and im sure your rollercoaster of a life will shoot up to the top... we all have certain uncomfortable moments on the rollercoaster... the thrill of climbing up... and proper preparation of the upcoming downfalls and random loops and tosses of life... when you go up u, have to go down... we all do and when you get off the ride, just walkaway smiling knowing that you had one HELL of a ride and at least you tried it... Dont give up

ill continue this later tonight at home... no more time on break.

browsing and i got to thinking

mmmmmm hmm...

so i was browsing around people's blogs... well the ones that i have saved on the side at least, and i stumbled upon one from an old friend of mine....

i didnt wanna think of it as me, but it sounded like it was about me, and its that she forgot my birthday... at this point if you're reading this you know im talking about you haha... 

and this got me thinking ALOT.... and really, not having the person here in person really really changes things... it either eats away at you slowly and you simply just disappear from each other without any words, and THAT is letting time fuck you over.... or... you actually chose to avoid em completely because of certain personal reasons i guess...

and after reading it over and over, it felt like it definitely was towards me cuz when i thought about it more, she was one person that i thought that wouldve said something and yet... nothing. im not mad about it at all though ok? so dont beat yourself up about it, and its wayyyyy past already. i really dont care haha...

but then i started realizing how much i missed you in my life.... what we had before you left... and hey you gotta do what you gotta do. alot of old memories of you started popping up again, and well... i gotta say i even had a dream about you not so long ago, and with all this said, i know we'll talk again... i got something else to say to ya...

Something that was private posted before, but it's been said now.

This actually was posted a few days ago by me but just private posted. This situation ran through my head, and it has been said to the person i needed to tell it to. The response from her was exactly what i expected, I actually got it as accurate as i thought i would weird huh? Well... I'm glad you know... I believe I needed this out in the open or I'd go crazy hah...

It's not easy for me to hide my feelings and just act like I don't feel how i do ya know. And I'm sure you know that. The only way I've known how to maintain great conversations with someone (primarily female I mean) is just by talking about things on a personal level. And thats who I am. But, it's hard when one person doesn't share their side of feelings. I pray it doesn't feel like im pushing it and pushing it with the "hey _____ open up nao kthnks" thing ya know? But in order for us to be able to talk comfortably like before(in my eyes only maybe), is that I would like to know, hey what's up and what's going on in your heart and mind. That's why I feel things are different... and in a way I just stopped trying with you because I feel like I will never be able to get simple connection that with u. Not to dwell in the past, but like looking back at old convos it's like, you didn't realize it but you DID open up to me before... Ok, actually maybe u did realize it actually, sorry. But I'm just wondering like, where did it go wrong?

There is NOTHING and no one in my life that I would tell your business to and whatever you say is always gonna be between me and you and yet you choose not to believe me on this... I don't understand how come it's so hard for you to do so and I really really wish you did, I really wish you do believe me. It's really hard to hear something like, I dont believe you... because I believe I'm a good person, and it's just killing me when you say that and that I can't do anything about it. Am I asking too much to be trusted by you? You know me very well, at least i hope u do.. but really... its that hard for u to believe me?... simple = complicated eh?

Sigh... I dunno it's just my biggest wish right now, for you to believe my words... they're just 100% heart felt and honest. It pains me to spill my heart like this. It hurts A LOT when I constantly CONSTANTLY keep hearing the words "I don't want to" or "I don't know". I never would exploit you with your own business, and i would never take advantage of u with information u tell me... it just kills me... All I'm asking is to TRY to let me in, give me a shot, little by little maybe? I dunno.... just try and you'll know... I'll never tell a soul about anything u say to me i promise that... I really care about you as a friend and a person ya know....

Perhaps you don't want to send out a wrong signal towards me... because of how I feel about you... maybe thats why you choose to close up.... you're not gonna be doing that just cuz u open up ok? It doesn't mean that you having the same feelings towards me back ok?... I know that... and I'm not expecting that at all. Just before the first time I told you how I feel, we were talking ALOT and just having great conversations. Then all that drama happened, and after that event it was like... progressively getting to where we are now... and yes... It IS probably based on how I feel about you. I dunno how much this means to you but it means alot for me.

I trust you, I believe everything that you say to me... I trust you with all my heart ya know..
and perhaps I'm askin for somethin thats really of incredibly high importance to u, which is your trust in me. I know this is not easy at ALL for you. I may not understand what broke your trust in people... I wish i did, and I would love to restore that trust.

All in all... I would like to have that trust reciprocated ya know?.... is that SO much to ask for?

I dunno if this came out all desperate and needy, but that isn't my intended goal. The main point of this is for you to really see the depth of how important it is to me that you are this way. I really wish you could deeply understand how much I care.

tiring life

yea its pretty damn tiring that im going out all the time until 1am or so... then getting home...

shit ive been too busy to blog... and i got ALOT to blog about... continuing this tommorow night! stay tuned

an epiphany...

just now at 5:35 i saw things in a wholllllllllllllllllllle new way...

hella pressure and feelings just have been lifted off.... thank GOD... finally... i feel so much better =]...

work work work

so today i started working at Sanrio again... it was nostalgic... alot of things were the same, but so much was different... but being there today made me realize that i missed everything... the comfort of working here...

i missed my locker... "jimmy the libra" in fact, KRISTI came back today!

i missed this name beat up name tag...

i missed these fortunes on the back of my name tag... lol

i missed this messy ass backroom and table that is never ever clean...

what i wore today... somethin i didnt miss lol

and i especially miss that she isnt here... =(

Chill day

Hmm just felt like bring the camera around more often now...

This morning before class, chilled with Theresa and we just talked about heeeeeeellla shit, random pics here and there haha:

















English Class chairs:




Will add more from John P.'s bday dinner later tonight!

11:45 EDIT:

iPhone pics from dinner, cuz i fucking forgot my camera -___-, this was quite a culinary experience:

Kobe beef... the world's best beef.... soooooooo tender and flavorful!

John's burger, supposedly the best burgers they have ever eaten.

DUDE! this is the COOLEST sink EVER! theres a clear cover over those rocks haha! it looks so clear when you use water on it!

JT snow!

JT Snow one day contract

holy shit i wish i was able to see that....

shaping up

yea fuck it all... these few days ive realized im just gonna say fuck it...

its a lost cause, dont chase what you cant catch.... not enough odds favorable to me

at this point... whatever ya know?

too much free time on your hands REALLY makes you start thinkin about hella random shit that you shouldnt be thinkin of... stil tryin to get a job, but until then im gonna set a few things for myself to do:

- Get permit(again) -_-, learn to drive, get license, get car
- Work out again, eat healthier cuz my body is finally starting to just DIE on me...
- note to self: do not over analyze everything, DO NOT.... it is NOT as bad as you make it

soldiering on and being strong..

Boys, you can break
You find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart...

Human Beings..

Human beings... we are all here... just to save each other from ourselves...

time and goals

damn its 7 years ago tommorow that 9/11 happened... i was just a freshman in biology class at that time...

just that thought alone has made me realized how much time has passed by... my god... it didnt even feel like SEVEN freakin years man!

and i just started to think about what my psych class teacher said in his summer course.... we should all know our goals, whether it is tommorows goals, a week later, a year, 10 years from now...

i guess i need to write this down somewhere and hopefully remember it and can check off some of these things haha... warning, cruise control ahead:

Goals within this week:
- DONT PROCRASTINATE ON YOUR ENGLISH ESSAY!
- FINISH MATH HW!!!!

Goals within this month:
- FUCKING GET MY PERMIT/LICENSE BEFORE BDAY!!!!!
- get a new job?

Goals longer ahead:
- Finish the semester strong, gets As!!!
- Laptop on black friday maybe?
- get a car?
- save and/or win a total of $5000 by feburary 2009 (VERY important to me)
- move to a different place?

hmm 2nd thought

ya know now that i think about it, that yahoo article was right... its really really true, fuck my interpretation of it, it was entirely unprofessional... wow it really is true now that i re read it and thought about it deeper

Good run

whew... i feel like updating at 4 am.... cant sleep...

ive had a great run in poker lately... came up about 1000 just this weekend... woot... still 2000 more to go! 3000 dollar goal by october 21st! haha

im glad i finally get a good run in poker and in life FOR NOW... itll probably go away soon enough but hey thats how we appreciate the good things in life when it does come right?

hmmm uncle, aunt, and my baby cousin will move in soon... have to give up my freedom for family... and im not complaining... that much... haha.. if it means to help em out then im all for it cuz i love em...

some others things are always on my mind, buy i just cant say it ya know... and it eats me up inside... o well...

RIP 6/18/08

you're no longer in pain...

Rest in Peace grandma...

9/12/1921 - 6/18/2008

there's a lot of things said to me by you that hurt me...

but saying that after all this time you still don't believe that i am a person that would listen to you... that hurt the most... you have no fucking idea how bad that makes me feel...

Changes

oh man... there's gonna be a big amount of changes happening soon... not lookin forward to it... but hell, either i adapt or i get left behind... cant stop change from coming right?

basic story:
- possibility that im moving
- more that likely quitting sanrio in june for school
- enrolling in USF's ROTC(only thing im lookin forward to)
- grandma's cancer is at its limit...

91st, A Nostalgic Day..

91st... the aura of this day was just different... it definitely didnt feel like the previous competitions... less people spectating... small teams... im still really impressed with the teams of gal though.. they drilled their fuckin heart out...

All in all... i cant say much anymore about RO stuff... all the alumni can do is watch and comment... this program has made us into a family... and like a good family member should do... we choose to support them no matter what happens.... we'll just be happy that our students learned all they can from us and evolved from it... they put their heart into it... made what was once our styles into their own unique one...and we are just gonna be proud of what they attempted... i know i am... this day was just what i needed for this shitty week ive been having...


Placings for Galileo:
3rd Drill Platoon
3rd Girls Drill Team
??? Silent Drill Team/Flag Team

(right click and select view image for better quality on all pics)

The Battlefield for many years...


Galileo's Drum Corps instruments....


Yep... save RO...


ah mui aka little sis and me


Yvonne's BLING ring... wedding soon haha...


of course i would notice a tenorikuma bag at a fuckin drill competition... lol



Gal Alumni... Reign Supreme!


Galileo's current battalion...


Ricky's hoodie... Galileo Silent Drill Team... not STD fools


Guidon in the wind...


Galileo Lions JROTC pride for life...


The old passion....


G House Lions...


blurry but michael's fuckin 4 slices of pizza turned into one haha...


Round Table X-Large Ulti-Meat pizza


Jeff's Small King Arthur pizza


My favorite painting... Van Gough's Starry Nights... try to see wut it means...



sidenote for what's in my head:

perhaps i should have restricted my words last night.... its not easy for me to hold things in, and you know that... my heart is open, and my mind and mouth soon follows... i never want to drag you down with the emotions that i have in my head... but in order to feel like you can understand me... you have to know what's on my mind... just listening is enough satisfaction and will cheer me up...

also, yea.. i do beat myself up alot.. only because i probably wish i could do more to fix a bad situation or that a bad situation happened because of a mistake i made myself... i like to think things throughly... perhaps even when i really shouldnt... but i am NOT a person that can keep pushing aside drama and hoping to let time fix shit and deal with it later... why not just confront it head on... but i digress... its just not easy for everyone to do that... and every person has their own thoughts and approaches towards things...

i just hate it when a good thing goes bad... due to my own mistakes... =\ *sigh...

sleepless nights

5/17/08 - Libra Daily Extended
Today the challenges that you face are more mental than physical. You'll have to know what is right for you and stick to your plans. A good thing for you to remember is that you do have the strength to stay committed to what you want. You have a huge amount of strength inside of you, although you might have to go deep in order to find it! Time is on your side, so there is no need to push yourself too hard. Just take it slow, and you will make it!

i guess.. right?



Don't wonder why people go crazy, wonder why they dont... In the face of all we can lose in a day.. or hell... in an instant... wonder what the hell is it that makes us hold it together...

heh... seriously...

horrorscope

hmm its eerie how accurate horoscopes are sometimes...

5/15/08 quickie from yahoo:
Your work life and your private life have been out of balance. It's time to regroup.

HA... sure got that one on the spot...

sidenote: express empathy, not sympathy... fools...

Emotional Roller Coaster

yea so like the title says... thats basically how my day was.... i dun wanna get into details... but im just happy about the fact i didn't lose a friend... and if anything... we got a closer connection because certain things were said/happened...

side note: fuck people who shouldn't be involved with shit they aren't a part of.

equality

why care so much about someone that doesn't care about you... are you hoping something would happen in the future just because you're a nice guy to her? you're a fool for doing so much for someone who's just a friend...

someone asked me this today... and honestly... i don't know... i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know!!!!!! FUCK! i'm going crazy thinking about this shit when i don't want to be... or.. maybe it's my mind saying you SHOULD be thinking about it... fuck...

No Certainty

its getting more and more difficult everyday... the more things change... the more they seem to stay the same...


honestly it still hurts...

finally update

yay.. finally get to update... poker weekends are awesome as usual... been comin up! haha...

Sunday/Today... SO many fuckin thieves... come on seriously its MOTHERS day people have you soul? one woman stole in FRONT of her kid... and apparently, security said shes a known thief around the WHOLE mall WITH her kid WTF! thats just disgusting... stupid trash...

anyways... pics:

Laarni! this was the couple i was talkin about... EVERY morning! haha



Something for laarni something for me


yep

late night write

JUSTICE!

HA! there IS justice in this world... i just caught a thief and i ripped the shit outta her bag HAHAHA it feels so good knowing that i caught i thief that was stupid enough to walk near the store after she got away/slipped away from me... once i saw her walk by i was like ok fuck this im gonna stop u and search u... and sure enough there was the hello kitty crap in her bag IN A SECRET COMPARTMENT WTF!!!

it felt so good finding our shit and hot topic's shit in there too... and i just grabbed it all and returned it to where they are suppose to be.. including hot topic's stuff... man that felt SO good... JUSTICE....

O_o

if anything, thats my face towards everything right now haha... been up for 3 days in a row... its pretty fuckin epic i gotta say... i twitched in anthro class cuz i fell asleep for 1 second... like literally ONE second... anywaysss... this weekend has been AWWWWWWWWWWWWEsome lkdjfjlsfjldskjf!

Friday - school and work... the usual... then straight up went to play poker at eddy's house from 12:30 am till 7am HAHAHAHA CRAZY...

Saturday - then went to santa clara with oscar and kenson... hustled cards wtf haha... note: this is day one for "no sleep weekend" haha... came back to SF and ate at olive garden... stupid ass ken accidentally left an extra 20 for his own share so we ended up tipping like 40%-50% lol.... that waitress mustve been happy... theeen... went back to eddy's at around 8pm... played poker again, but i left at like 12 to meet up jeff and jason cuz they wanted to do somethin... the night was pretty crazy haha all i know is i went home at 6am... and slept a little bit until 12pm to wake up to get to work...

Sunday - at work, time went by SO fast... and ended up cleaning up hella lot cuz home office is suppose to visit... then after work as i was goin home i ran into my mom... ate dinner with her... then this part just get CRAZY, kenson and nova calls me like hey wanna go to jacksons? im like fuck it lets do it lol... and this is at like 10:30pm on a sunday hahaha.... went and the ride there was really cool.. chattin it up, we all are hella excited... got there around midnight exactly

Monday - Played poker there, yea ken and i got pwned pretty badly... nova broke even on his roller coaster ride lol... from -100 to +3 then back to his original buy-ins haha... drove back around 4 am... got back HOME around 7:30am... got ready for school and im in the computer lab in the library now LOL WUT A WEEKEND EH!!!

its crazy though how im still not crazy yet.. i think O_o.... yea so many people in this comp lab arent even doin work... i bet out of the 70 or so computers, about 75% of the people on them are either on youtube, myspace, facebook, or SOME video site... like 1 out of every 8 computers i see a person ACTUALLY working on an essay or somethin... and of course me being a part of the problem.. is on blogspot doin this shit... lol... its bad cuz theres a long ass line of people waiting to use the computers... but judging from the look of these people, they're probably just gonna myspace and youtube ha....


another thing i wanna pass on is somethin from my buddy seo's clothing brand blog... its called aiyoku... japanese for "passion"... sick name for a brand man.. but anyways.. he asked.. what is passion.. and what is YOUR passion...

What is your passion?

Passion makes you do extraordinary things, things that you never thought you would be doing with your life. Passion is your desire; doing what you want to do, and never having anyone or anything get in your way. Passion is insanity; you do your passion once, you do it over and over and over again. Passion is never limited to just one thing; you can have many passions. With your passion, you must give it your heart and your all.

Oh... and this weekend has made me just SO damn happy... like this has by far been the best week ever... like i actually was relaxed for 3 days... then again it could just be the 5 hrs of sleep in 3 days talkin... cuz im just runnin on pure adrenaline or SOMETHING i dunno... but one thing that made it significant is that i felt SO passionate about just playin poker... its so fun man! like im sure everyone i know is like ah wtf etc.. but it makes me so happy just to play... like in the long run its so profiting to me, but its not just the money.. its just being able to play and chill with my friends on weekends... and definitely the NEED to improve my game each and everyday just to weed out the competition... studying body language, reading people, making statistical bets and calls... thats just the best game ever... and thats MY passion....

blah i missed talkin to laarni this whole weekend... i really really did... i swear i was lookin forward to gettin home sunday night JUST so i can chat with her... but i got convinced to go out haha... i heeelllla wanted to just listen to how her weekend went.. i really like hearing how her day(s) went =D... and share mine with her too... i really cant go a day/night without talkin to her... yea i miss you dork... =[

update this later tonight with a possibility of pictures if i see anything significant... DAMN i wish i had my camera this whole weekend... it wouldve been ALOT of epic shit that i saw hahaha... this shit dragged on longer then i expected... wow lol... niceeeee...


4:30pm pics update!:

haha awesome!


dude a cashier SPECIFICALLY gave me one of each! hella cool! og to current lol



AAAAAH I FINALLY FOUND/GOT IT BACK!!!!


I like this haha..





WDIWT

UNBANNED!

duuuude wtf i was suspended temporarily by blogger.com for unknown reasons! they thought i was a spam blog WTF.... im a humannnnnnnn =[ well its all good now haha... but no picture blog today... didnt really take anything at all... until tommorow!

4/30 3:45ish...

ah fuck i woke up from a dream... crazzzzyyyyy.... couldnt quite fall back asleep cuz of it... so i just started taking pics of shit bleh.. haha...

a few minutes after i woke up.. yea thats AM -_-


the things that glow in my room at night...


some of the dream had the person that gave this to me in it....


and some of it had the person that gave this to me in it.... im sure you will know who you are >_<

On my feet

wake up at this time LOL:




Then i see this at the bus stop so i say FUCK it too many chinese people and the bus will skip this stop... so i decided to walk to work.. and at this time it was already 2:55pm on my phone -__-




Broadway tunnel is a long walk -__-




Not too often that you see cops riding on horses on a random ass tuesday O_o



Wore Takashi Free-Rods today...



What's on back of my ID thingy at work haha